pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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