I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
