So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
