Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
