please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i think i just lost a toe
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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