I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
