I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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