I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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