he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
