I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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