If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
