he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
