Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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