I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
