i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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