This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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