so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
