Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
