Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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