Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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