i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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