I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
