plz talk dirty to me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
