I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
