Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
