you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
