If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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