What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
