What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
