My nipple is on Facebook.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
