remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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