You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
