whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
