I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
