he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
