I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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