worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
