Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
