You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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