I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
