Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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