Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My vagina is officially offended.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
