something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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