I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
