If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Randomize
