I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
