Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
