Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
