Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
