Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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